ADHD and the Perfectionism Trap

Recognising the Signs and Breaking Free

There are many things that I now look back on and can see my ADHD in full effect, but I didn’t understand then that it was, in fact, symptoms of my ADHD and not me actually being useless. I realize with hindsight that so many beliefs and trapped emotions were created by these situations.

The Need for Perfection

The first thing that springs to mind is PERFECTION – and this is one thing that I remember from a very young age. The NEED to be PERFECT in everything I did. I have realized, doing all of this inner work myself and when working with clients, that there is always an underlying reason for a lot of the blocks that we feel. So here goes my explanation with PERFECTION.

The ADHD Brain and Sensory Overload

The ADHD brain’s inability to filter affects not only what goes out, i.e., hyperactivity and impulsivity, but also what comes in. This means that it can’t adapt to sensations and everything is felt more intensely. This includes SENSORY, ENERGETICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND PHYSICALLY.

Emotional Dysregulation and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

I will come back to ENERGETICALLY later. However, when we think of EMOTIONALLY, this includes DYSREGULATION and RSD – REJECTION SENSITIVITY DYSPHORIA.

What is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria?

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is an intense emotional response to perceived rejection or criticism that is very common in individuals with ADHD. It is an overwhelming and consuming fear of rejection, judgment, or criticism that can lead to years of rumination and pain and can really impact self-esteem and relationships. It can cause severe distress. Due to heightened emotional sensitivity and difficulty regulating emotions, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is particularly apparent in people with ADHD, triggering intense emotional reactions.

The Impact of RSD

So what might seem like a flippant comment or a joke from others can feel like deep hurtful criticism or nastiness to them. This creates a FEAR OF REJECTION, which in turn can lead to people-pleasing, weak boundaries, difficulty saying no, and taking on more than their fair share of work. RSD is truly exhausting. And if we have ADHD, or have been undiagnosed for a long time, RSD can leave an overwhelming build-up of emotions like shame, anger, resentment, guilt, and fear as we mask our true feelings in daily life.

The Perfectionism Cycle

Those with ADHD who struggle with RSD can often be PERFECTIONISTS, continually feeling that nothing they do is ever enough. This can lead to low confidence, which exacerbates ADHD challenges and ignites that ‘ADHD itch’ (the constant need to do more).

The Effects of Perfectionism

All of this can leave us with:

• A constant nagging feeling of just ‘never feeling enough or good enough’
• ALL or NOTHING thinking
• Setting ourselves unreasonable expectations and standards
• Living by ‘should’
• Comparisonitis – always negative on ourselves.

Perfectionism as Procrastination

And actually, perfectionism is not only the fear of failure, it is a form of procrastination when we feel everything NEEDS to be PERFECT before starting, submitting, or moving on to the next thing – meaning we never get either started, finished, or feel stuck. There are so many parts to perfectionism that are completely individual to us and what our experiences in life have been.