Going Through IVF with ADHD

Discovering the Impact of Menopause on ADHD

Unbeknown to me, menopause actually played a huge role in my ADHD journey and I am actually so grateful that I now have the knowledge and understanding of ADHD to look back and see just how much it affected me and why.

Beginning the IVF Journey

My IVF journey began at 34, where I was told that my hormone levels were unusually low and would need boosting during the IVF treatment. Which they did (and they made me so ill).

Early Signs and Misdiagnosis

I started my periods very early and from a very young age had gynecological problems, really bad periods, regular investigations and was diagnosed with endometriosis, so to be honest, I didn’t really think much of the comment or consequences of my hormone levels being low.

Ignoring the Warning Signs

This low hormone level should have been my first warning sign of early perimenopause, but I was so wrapped up in the IVF that I did not acknowledge it at first.

Planning for a Second Baby

After a very complicated pregnancy and a premature baby, months later I remembered what the doctor had said and knew that because my hormone level was low and I was now 36, that if we wanted a second baby, we had to move faster than we may have if all of the above was to be considered. The day after my eldest’s first birthday, we went to the hospital to restart the process using the frozen embryos we had left.

Surprising Blood Test Results

You have to go for regular blood tests so that they know exactly where you are in your cycle, and they were so surprised at how mine were showing my cycle getting shorter and shorter. My bloods were showing ready sooner than we thought, so the whole process was much quicker, and we were honestly so blessed and happy to fall pregnant with my beautiful second baby.

Challenges of Early Motherhood

After another turbulent pregnancy and a C-section, I had two babies under two years, and although I honestly would not swap that for the world as I absolutely adore being a mum, I am not going to deny it was hard.

Postnatal Depression and Anxiety

I realized after my second was born that I felt low and anxious, and if I am totally honest, I felt it after my first born but did not want to feel it, so ignored it. I had been told by the midwife that a lot of ‘ambitious career women’ often suffer with postnatal depression, so as that had been me, I just got on with it and pushed through. (Until my first pregnancy, I was very much in the corporate world as a National Account Manager.)

Striving for Perfection

I can remember feeling and thinking that was my job now, and I wanted to be the best mum I possibly could be (what I now see as the ‘perfect’ mum). I looked forward to being at home with them, and I loved it, but it was intense. My husband worked long hours, my parents did their absolute best but lived 170 miles away. It felt like a LOT, in fact, it felt completely overwhelming. I loved them sooo much, so I just kept pushing through to prove I could cope and manage.

Overwhelming Guilt and Determination

I wanted these babies SOOOO much, I had been blessed to have them when so many others like me weren’t. Even sitting writing this, I can remember the guilt of just not feeling I was doing it right. Feeling so overwhelmed yet never stopping for one minute as I was determined I wanted to be a good mum.

Support from Antenatal Groups

I am so grateful for both of my antenatal groups I had where you could go and just be you and accepted as we all felt like we were going mad. (And I appreciate that most mums feel exactly as I did too, I know I am not alone in this.)

Struggles with ADHD Symptoms

I remember losing my keys one day and crying for hours that I couldn’t find them, literally pulling everything out of the cupboards, going through every bag, and they just weren’t there. We couldn’t go out where we were supposed to be going. The thoughts were flying round my head: why can’t I just do the simple things? Why can’t I do what everyone else seems to take in their stride? How can I be a good mum if I can’t even keep my keys safe or somewhere I could find them?

Realising the Extent of ADHD

Hours later, when I was calmer, I went back and the keys were there. I simply could not see them looking for them! There were so many similar instances, and the more anxious I got, the more I just could not do things or just never seemed to be able to do a task in a simple, clear way.