My ADHD Realisation

The Moment of Realisation

It was May 2023. I was in my small office at my Wellbeing Centre. I felt nervous – what if I didn’t have ADHD? What if it was just who I am? Surely everyone’s mind works like this? Never stops, jumps around, never finishes a task in a straightforward way? What if I was wasting the Psychiatrist’s time? Do I actually have ADHD? My imposter syndrome about having ADHD had set in and I was feeling anxious. My head was going 100 miles an hour.

Signs of ADHD in Girls

Until my first daughter’s suggestion that she felt she had it and then her diagnosis (AuDHD – Autism and ADHD), I had never even thought that she might have ADHD, never mind myself! I just thought she had ‘my mannerisms’. She had to have a routine and was a worrier and perfectionist. It honestly had not even entered my head, and that was simply because I did not know enough about it and especially how ADHD presented itself in Women and Girls.

Seeking Validation

I then spoke to a long-term friend who I knew would be honest with me. She deals with SEN children in her day job and I asked for her opinion. She said she had wondered if both my daughter and I might have it from some of our traits.

Mum Guilt & ADHD in Women

In between my daughter suspecting she had ADHD and her diagnosis, I started to do a lot more research on ADHD in girls and women and I started to think I resonate with a LOT of these symptoms, but even then, I was still in denial, ‘No I can’t have ADHD’. I realise now this was purely because I didn’t understand ADHD properly.

Recognising Symptoms in My Youngest Daughter

Once I had done the research, I recognised huge signs in my youngest daughter and we agreed she should be tested also. I can’t deny that when both girls were diagnosed, it caused a huge amount of ‘mum guilt’. How did I not know what ADHD was all about? How did I not know that my girls had it? Why had I just accepted that this is the way it is? Just assumed that it was just personality traits inherited from me. How could I have helped them and parented differently had I known?

Self-Realisation During Assessments

As I sat through both of their separate assessments, my mind was whirring as I realised that all of the questions that they were asked I either felt the same, or did myself. They literally all applied to me – oh my word I am now sure I must have ADHD also? And I knew I needed to be assessed.

Confirmation from My Daughter

My daughter used to laugh with me as I would jump from task to task never finishing anything, constantly losing things, and struggling to always get out of the door on time. Now she would smile kindly and say ‘Mum, don’t worry, you definitely have ADHD’ (she had done huge amounts of research into it too). Once they were diagnosed, our awareness was so much greater.

Imposter Syndrome & ADHD In Women

So when it came to the day of my assessment – I knew I had absolute symptoms of it (in fact such a lot of traits) but STILL had imposter syndrome around even that! I remember being in the office that day and putting some grounding and calming essential oils in my diffuser, inhaling an essential oil that helped reduce anxious feelings and grabbing some water.

The Assessment Process

I joined the Zoom and had a long meeting with the Psychiatrist going through assessment questions (that I had already previously had to submit) and lots of other things going right back through my life. It was very detailed and actually at points I got emotional as we talked about experiences and things that have happened in my life that made me feel sad.

Previous Diagnoses and Mental Health

I had been previously diagnosed with low mood and anxiety and had been on an antidepressant for over 17 years after being diagnosed with postnatal depression.

ADHD and Menopause

I now know that both of these conditions are highly associated with ADHD, but also I was in early menopause. The combination of IVF, postnatal depression, and early menopause with ADHD thrown into the mix too – is so SIGNIFICANT. There’s no wonder I felt like my head completely blew off and I totally lost myself (more to follow on this)!

Diagnosis and Understanding ADHD Types

My diagnosis was ADHD Mixed type with a History of Anxiety Disorder. A Mixed or Combined type of ADHD means that I have symptoms of both types of ADHD. There are 2 types of ADHD:

Predominantly Hyperactive and Impulsive ADHD

This type includes high energy/hyperactivity, trouble waiting your turn, impulsive decision making, often blurting out answers before the question is completed, interrupting, and talking excessively.

Predominantly Inattentive ADHD

More common in those born female, this type includes being easily distracted, daydreaming, losing things, making careless mistakes, missing deadlines, experiencing significant organisational and time management challenges, and needing help following through on tasks and instructions.

Realisation and Acceptance

I had done quite a lot of research by then, so I understood what they both meant, but to be honest, was quite surprised (though not shocked) that I had both. Oh my word! I have ADHD!